Saturday, July 25, 2009

SUCCESS in the US!

My focus was keen, my resolve unwavering. This time I was not to be denied. After my bus fiasco and the kangaroo balls blunder I was eager to get back on track with this difficult and important mission.

As Gibson-OZ alluded, walking on ice was an experience I shall not soon forget. As you can see from the wince on my face, the first thirty seconds were extremely uncomfortable. However the pain slowly subsided into numbness by the time I set the strawberry popsicle in the hole.

Just in case our mission went awry, causing the Supervolcano to erupt, I wore a Mount St. Helens Observer Hat that I found at a thrift store long ago. It folds up into a convenient pouch with strap that you can wear around your neck when not in use. You can never be too careful.

At precisely 18:35 on Friday the 24th, I began the agonizing walk toward the 12" deep hole. At exactly 18:36 I placed the strawberry popsicle (addressed to the Supervolcano) in the hole and by 18:40 the burial was complete and the mission accomplished! I did stand on the ice for the entire burial process, but it wasn't that bad since I'd lost all sensation in my feet by then. Fortunately, it wasn't long before my feet recovered and I could finally bask in the deep satisfaction of knowing that I had done my part to thwart the potential devastation of the Supervolcano!

As the popsicles make their way into the earth’s core to cool the magma of the Supervolcano, I hope that you can rest a bit easier as well.

Southern Popsicle Deployed!

Attention, anyone who has ever walked over hot are a pussy!

As hot coals cool, they develop a layer of ash over the surface which acts as a barrier between your bare foot and the glowing ember.

There is no such insulating layer on a bed of ice.

I took on board this startling phenomenon at 1135 AEST this morning when my bare feet (soft and pale from a winter spent inside ugg boots) first touched the path of ice layed down for this most important of missions. Holy crap, that stuff is cold - freezing, even!

However, having prepared my chocolate popsicle stick in the manner perscribed, and having dug a hole in the side yard (a task made slightly difficult given that some previous yard worker had obviously chosen the exact spot to bury a bunch of building waste), my resolve was concrete.

Every step brought more unpleasant sensation to my tootsies, but at 1136, when the popsicle was dropped into the earth and the first shovel load of dirt was dropped on it, the relief of having done my bit to save the continental United States overrode all discomfort.

Farewell, Super Volcano!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A Question Of Timing

It could have been a glitch in the space/time continuum, it could have been the effect of a solar flare on the thermosphere, or it could have been the fact that Gibson-OZ forgot that he was already scheduled to be entertaining 100 children while dressed as a rat. Whichever way you look at it, the date for this next challenge has been moved from 0135 GMT on Saturday, July 18th to 0135 GMT on Saturday, July 25th.

Apologies to those who were delaying plans based on this very important event.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Third Time Lucky - Journey To The Centre Of The Earth.

While it has been a frustrating two months, we feel we have pinpointed the magnetotelluric problem that has been wreaking havoc with Gibson-US's calculations, causing him to fumble the last two missions. Many of you, and especially those in the greater Seattle area, will no doubt have heard whisperings based on the findings of a study that indicates a possibility that a massive Supervolcano (no, not that one or that one) may be brewing far below the remains of Mt. St Helens. While this study does have its skeptics, the Gibsons are taking no chances and have decided that our latest mission must guarantee the neutralisation of the Washington Supervolcano, so that the hard work of Gibson-US does not continue in vain.

It is clear to us that a coordinated, two pronged cooling attack on the Supervolcano must be enacted if we are not only to guarantee the safety of the Western United States (oh, and Western Canada too), but also the world at large. We have therefore calculated that the Gibsons must execute the following:

1) Dig a hole approximately 1ft (30.48cm) deep
2) Lay a path to the hole using the contents of two store bought bags of ice
3) Address a popsicle (Chocolate for Gibson-OZ, Strawberry for Gibson-US) on the stick to the Supervolcano, noting the sender on the other side of the stick
4) At precisely 0135 GMT on Saturday, July 18th (1835 on Friday for Gibson -US and 1135 on Saturday for Gibson-OZ), we will begin walking barefoot down our respective ice paths.
5) At precisely 0136 GMT we will drop our popsicles into the hole and begin burying them.
6) Burial must be completed by 0140 GMT.
7) Photographic evidence will be provided for a) walking the path with our shovels b) the first shovel load of dirt falling on the popsicle.

We are sure you will agree that this is a rather complex mission. However, we simply cannot risk more future failed missions, and our data indicates this to be the only guaranteed course of action.

Wish us luck.