Monday, June 15, 2009

Our Data Was Inaccurate!

While the additional effort of the Bondi Three seems to have helped to keep the two hemispheres of the Earth joined (perhaps owing to the fact that 2 of the 3 participants were in fact born in the Northern hemisphere), a startling development has come to light which explains the Gibsons' past two failed missions.

It seems as though there may be a Supervolcano brewing just miles from Seattle, Wa! Clearly, this buildup of magma and water has, like an unbalanced load in a washing machine, skewed our formulae and rendered the last two missions unsuccessful. While the business of keeping the world in alignment is a fluid science and we must always be recalibrating our data, we sincerely appologise for not taking this massive subterranean threat into account.

Rest assured that, as you read this, we are bent over our maps, T-squares and aged rum and are tirelessly working towards a solution.

Stay tuned!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Strike Two

You'd think that this would be easy. That a reasonably responsible person would be able to execute these tasks with no trouble whatsoever. Apparently, I am not a reasonably responsible person. For the second time in a row I was not able to complete the challenge as assigned.

The making of the Mike was fine, although I did run into a snag with crushed ice as well. The recipe we posted calls for 1 oz. of ice in the top layer. One ounce seemed like an extremely small amount of ice so I did some more research and discovered that the correct measurement is 1 cup of ice! This sent me into a semi-panic as I considered the potential global impact of this crushed ice conundrum. I managed to forge ahead, however, and completed the cocktail with the proper amount of crushed ice with about one minute and 30 seconds until drinking time. At precisely 15:00 PST I took my first sip while sitting out on our gloriously sunny deck. All was well in the world, right? Wrong.

Upon closer inspection of the photo you'll notice that my non-drinking hand is dangling off the arm of the chair, completely oblivious to the fact that it had failed in the modest task which was its charge. WHERE IS THE THING THAT REPRESENTS THE COUNTRY OF THE OTHER GIBSON? Well, I'll tell you where it was. It was sitting on the corner of my bar downstairs. A gorgeous kangaroo scrotum bottle opener, forgotten in the mad rush to get upstairs.

As it turns out, this error was not as grievous as the bus mishap. Our data indicates that the hemispheres have been realigned and directional magnetism has been adjusted. However, until I manage to complete one of these challenges accurately you may notice a nagging sense of malaise and sporadic malfunction in garage door openers. I hope this doesn't inconvenience you too much and I eagerly await the next challenge so that I may attempt to redeem myself for the second time.

NEWS FLASH... Early Signs Indicate Global Success

In a startling mid-morning development, it appears as though our efforts may have been successful.

Despite not having yet received an official report from Gibson-US, a remarkable event has taken place in Bondi, Australia which points to a positive global result.

Following the 0800 Molokai Mike, I was joined by 2 friends - one from New Zealand, one from the United Kingdom - and a round of Pina Coladas was consumed in front of the house at 1030 AEST. Despite the cold temperature and impending rain, the trio enjoyed the rumcoconutty goodness while wearing festive attire and listening to Les Baxter.

A couple of jubilent passers by also stopped to soak up the relaxed vibe.

We are taking this as a sign that the hemispheres have achieved true alignment once again.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Success in Sydney.

When the fate of humanity rests in your hands, you sometimes have to dig a little deeper. And by 'a little deeper' I mean getting up at 0700 on a Sunday morning in winter in order to make and drink a layered cocktail.

Don't get me wrong, the hurdles I had to jump over for the successful completion of this challenge were not so much mental - after all, who hasn't secretly wanted to drink a cocktail in the morning once or twice - but rather physical. The bed was warm, the fog of the previous night was settled like a fine, fuzzy dew across my tongue, and I knew I didn't have the right kind of glass for a Molokai Mike. But if the Gibson vs. Gibson experience has shown me anything, it's that the satisfaction of a successfully completed mission brings a kind of relaxation and bliss regularly only experienced by Buddhist monks and people patting really cute puppies.

With all ingredients gathered and with a glass of hot water and lemon juice in hand to flush the liver and line the gut, I began the cocktail assembly at approximately 0735 AEST. My major stumbling block was the crushing of ice - both food processor and blender failed me - until I remembered my 60s Ice-O-Matic manual ice crusher. Thank goodness for this piece of chrome and plastic excellence. It shaved the ice down to a size manageable for the blender.

But the ice wasn't the only thing I was cutting fine. At 0758, with just 2 minutes left before the allotted time, the cocktail was finally assembled (with slightly dubious layering, it has to be said) and I hurried outside to assume the position. In my non-drinking hand, I chose to hold the souvenir Head-O-State, representing America's fascination with sex and politics. At 0800, I imbibed the Molokai Mike and as the layers merged in my belly and my photographer snapped the moment, I felt at one with Gibson-US and with the world at large. However, this feeling quickly passed and I was left merely with a compulsion to go back into the heated house.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Problem with Pudding & The Next Assignment

In my debriefing with Gibson-OZ a pudding problem was exposed. It appears that the silky, custard-like dessert we Americans call pudding takes on a completely different form in the land down under. This culinary inconsistency proved to be the catalyst for catastrophe. When Gibson-OZ and I made two different puddings it threw the world into turmoil. Specifically, it set off a series of events leading to an unreliable bus schedule in Seattle on that fateful day. So what we have learned is: Never underestimate the power of pudding. Study and learn the differences (US Pudding vs. OZ Pudding) – you'll be glad you did.

Unfortunately, this pudding snafu has had consequences more dire than we originally thought. Our charts indicate that if we don't fix the directional magnetism of the universe there is potential that our two hemispheres will separate, revealing the earth's core and the lizard people that live within.

Please don't panic. We have a plan.

At precisely 22:00 GMT on Saturday, June 13th* we will simultaneously execute the following task: drink a two-hemisphered cocktail called the Molokai Mike while sitting outside of our residences holding something representative of the other Gibson's country in our non-drinking hand. As the two halves of the cocktail merge into a warmth in our stomachs you should notice a slight pressure release as the universe settles back into harmony. A full report with photographic documentation of the preparation and consumption of the cocktail will be provided for posterity. Feel free to raise a glass yourselves in celebration of the earth remaining a solitary mass.

* Please note that Gibson-OZ will be drinking his cocktail at 8:00 in the morning Australia time on Sunday, June 14th — a testament to his dedication to this noble cause.