SUCCESS in the US!

My focus was keen, my resolve unwavering. This time I was not to be denied. After my bus fiasco and the kangaroo balls blunder I was eager to get back on track with this difficult and important mission.

As Gibson-OZ alluded, walking on ice was an experience I shall not soon forget. As you can see from the wince on my face, the first thirty seconds were extremely uncomfortable. However the pain slowly subsided into numbness by the time I set the strawberry popsicle in the hole.

Just in case our mission went awry, causing the Supervolcano to erupt, I wore a Mount St. Helens Observer Hat that I found at a thrift store long ago. It folds up into a convenient pouch with strap that you can wear around your neck when not in use. You can never be too careful.

At precisely 18:35 on Friday the 24th, I began the agonizing walk toward the 12" deep hole. At exactly 18:36 I placed the strawberry popsicle (addressed to the Supervolcano) in the hole and by 18:40 the burial was complete and the mission accomplished! I did stand on the ice for the entire burial process, but it wasn't that bad since I'd lost all sensation in my feet by then. Fortunately, it wasn't long before my feet recovered and I could finally bask in the deep satisfaction of knowing that I had done my part to thwart the potential devastation of the Supervolcano!

As the popsicles make their way into the earth’s core to cool the magma of the Supervolcano, I hope that you can rest a bit easier as well.

Southern Popsicle Deployed!

Attention, anyone who has ever walked over hot coals...you are a pussy!

As hot coals cool, they develop a layer of ash over the surface which acts as a barrier between your bare foot and the glowing ember.

There is no such insulating layer on a bed of ice.

I took on board this startling phenomenon at 1135 AEST this morning when my bare feet (soft and pale from a winter spent inside ugg boots) first touched the path of ice layed down for this most important of missions. Holy crap, that stuff is cold - freezing, even!

However, having prepared my chocolate popsicle stick in the manner perscribed, and having dug a hole in the side yard (a task made slightly difficult given that some previous yard worker had obviously chosen the exact spot to bury a bunch of building waste), my resolve was concrete.

Every step brought more unpleasant sensation to my tootsies, but at 1136, when the popsicle was dropped into the earth and the first shovel load of dirt was dropped on it, the relief of having done my bit to save the continental United States overrode all discomfort.

Farewell, Super Volcano!

A Question Of Timing

It could have been a glitch in the space/time continuum, it could have been the effect of a solar flare on the thermosphere, or it could have been the fact that Gibson-OZ forgot that he was already scheduled to be entertaining 100 children while dressed as a rat. Whichever way you look at it, the date for this next challenge has been moved from 0135 GMT on Saturday, July 18th to 0135 GMT on Saturday, July 25th.

Apologies to those who were delaying plans based on this very important event.

Third Time Lucky - Journey To The Centre Of The Earth.

While it has been a frustrating two months, we feel we have pinpointed the magnetotelluric problem that has been wreaking havoc with Gibson-US's calculations, causing him to fumble the last two missions. Many of you, and especially those in the greater Seattle area, will no doubt have heard whisperings based on the findings of a study that indicates a possibility that a massive Supervolcano (no, not that one or that one) may be brewing far below the remains of Mt. St Helens. While this study does have its skeptics, the Gibsons are taking no chances and have decided that our latest mission must guarantee the neutralisation of the Washington Supervolcano, so that the hard work of Gibson-US does not continue in vain.

It is clear to us that a coordinated, two pronged cooling attack on the Supervolcano must be enacted if we are not only to guarantee the safety of the Western United States (oh, and Western Canada too), but also the world at large. We have therefore calculated that the Gibsons must execute the following:

1) Dig a hole approximately 1ft (30.48cm) deep
2) Lay a path to the hole using the contents of two store bought bags of ice
3) Address a popsicle (Chocolate for Gibson-OZ, Strawberry for Gibson-US) on the stick to the Supervolcano, noting the sender on the other side of the stick
4) At precisely 0135 GMT on Saturday, July 18th (1835 on Friday for Gibson -US and 1135 on Saturday for Gibson-OZ), we will begin walking barefoot down our respective ice paths.
5) At precisely 0136 GMT we will drop our popsicles into the hole and begin burying them.
6) Burial must be completed by 0140 GMT.
7) Photographic evidence will be provided for a) walking the path with our shovels b) the first shovel load of dirt falling on the popsicle.

We are sure you will agree that this is a rather complex mission. However, we simply cannot risk more future failed missions, and our data indicates this to be the only guaranteed course of action.

Wish us luck.

Our Data Was Inaccurate!

While the additional effort of the Bondi Three seems to have helped to keep the two hemispheres of the Earth joined (perhaps owing to the fact that 2 of the 3 participants were in fact born in the Northern hemisphere), a startling development has come to light which explains the Gibsons' past two failed missions.

It seems as though there may be a Supervolcano brewing just miles from Seattle, Wa! Clearly, this buildup of magma and water has, like an unbalanced load in a washing machine, skewed our formulae and rendered the last two missions unsuccessful. While the business of keeping the world in alignment is a fluid science and we must always be recalibrating our data, we sincerely appologise for not taking this massive subterranean threat into account.

Rest assured that, as you read this, we are bent over our maps, T-squares and aged rum and are tirelessly working towards a solution.

Stay tuned!

Strike Two

You'd think that this would be easy. That a reasonably responsible person would be able to execute these tasks with no trouble whatsoever. Apparently, I am not a reasonably responsible person. For the second time in a row I was not able to complete the challenge as assigned.

The making of the Mike was fine, although I did run into a snag with crushed ice as well. The recipe we posted calls for 1 oz. of ice in the top layer. One ounce seemed like an extremely small amount of ice so I did some more research and discovered that the correct measurement is 1 cup of ice! This sent me into a semi-panic as I considered the potential global impact of this crushed ice conundrum. I managed to forge ahead, however, and completed the cocktail with the proper amount of crushed ice with about one minute and 30 seconds until drinking time. At precisely 15:00 PST I took my first sip while sitting out on our gloriously sunny deck. All was well in the world, right? Wrong.

Upon closer inspection of the photo you'll notice that my non-drinking hand is dangling off the arm of the chair, completely oblivious to the fact that it had failed in the modest task which was its charge. WHERE IS THE THING THAT REPRESENTS THE COUNTRY OF THE OTHER GIBSON? Well, I'll tell you where it was. It was sitting on the corner of my bar downstairs. A gorgeous kangaroo scrotum bottle opener, forgotten in the mad rush to get upstairs.

As it turns out, this error was not as grievous as the bus mishap. Our data indicates that the hemispheres have been realigned and directional magnetism has been adjusted. However, until I manage to complete one of these challenges accurately you may notice a nagging sense of malaise and sporadic malfunction in garage door openers. I hope this doesn't inconvenience you too much and I eagerly await the next challenge so that I may attempt to redeem myself for the second time.

NEWS FLASH... Early Signs Indicate Global Success

In a startling mid-morning development, it appears as though our efforts may have been successful.

Despite not having yet received an official report from Gibson-US, a remarkable event has taken place in Bondi, Australia which points to a positive global result.

Following the 0800 Molokai Mike, I was joined by 2 friends - one from New Zealand, one from the United Kingdom - and a round of Pina Coladas was consumed in front of the house at 1030 AEST. Despite the cold temperature and impending rain, the trio enjoyed the rumcoconutty goodness while wearing festive attire and listening to Les Baxter.

A couple of jubilent passers by also stopped to soak up the relaxed vibe.

We are taking this as a sign that the hemispheres have achieved true alignment once again.